There is a lot being said about Disney's new Interactive Childhood Obesity Exhibit at Epcot. There is a lot being said about Childhood Obesity period. Lately.
http://www.weightymatters.ca/2012/02/disneys-horrifying-new-interactive.html

I have a huge problem with this exhibit. As an obese adult who was an obese child I can tell you from first hand experience shaming does not work and really only makes matters worse. Children who suffer from weight issues already feel alienated, do we really have to make it worse as a society?
Starting out at a very young age I was shamed and made to feel as if I was not good enough in every aspect of my life because of my weight. Shaming caused me to abuse my body with endless fad diets, eventually dieting myself up to 400 pounds. Shaming makes matters worse, when a person, especially a child is shamed for something they truly have no control over (they do not buy the food, they do not fix the meals, they do not set their activity levels) they internalize that shame. I know, I did.

Yes there is an obesity epidemic in this country. But until we realize that obesity is a symptom of so many other issues, not the root problem we as a nation will never be able to get it under control. Obesity is such a complex issue with no magic bullet for a cure, no matter how much society and the media would like to convince us of that. There is no simple answer and no one thing will ever work for everyone. The causes are to varied.

My heart breaks for the children who are obese. I know the pain they feel, and I know it is even worse then when I was a child. My shame came from my family. I know that some kids made fun of me but there really were not that many instances of it. It was being made to feel that I was not good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, in my own home that hurt the most. I can't imagine the how much more painful it would have been if I had to deal with the same thing from society, in the media, and the news on top of all of that. I can't imagine how much worse I would have felt if my parents had taken me to Disney's new exhibit. I can't imagine how I would have felt as a child seeing those bill boards in Georgia.

As it was, I entertained suicidal thoughts as a child because of the shame I was made to feel because of my weight. I felt worthless and unlovable as a child, because of that shame. And all I had to deal with was my mothers obsession over my weight, I didn't have to deal with the whole nation obsessing over it. I did not have to deal with the media. I most certainly did not have to deal with an entity like Disney making matters worse.

The Airplane Theory, Help Yourself, First!

By: Greg Foster

 A few years ago, I went through a complete life remodeling.  I was in the middle of a divorce with my wife and throughout the breakup had lost the majority of my possessions.  I was in my last semester of college and was working for the family business while desperately looking for employment in my line of study.   Due to the economy being in the toilet and my lack of experience, I wasn’t having any success.  My emotions were running the gamut from fear and anxiety to depression and self-loathing.   I wasn’t sleeping more than a few hours a night and was becoming increasingly less healthy.  I couldn’t focus on any particular thing and was constantly feeling overwhelmed due to the myriad of emotions and trials I was facing.  I was stuck and had nothing in regards to an exit strategy.

This was of course, until I met my best friend (who has been my girlfriend of over two years), and she shared with me a premise that changed my life.  We call it “The Airplane Theory.”  

Now, most of us have been on an airplane.  Before the flight takes off, there is usually a short instructional movie or a presentation given by the flight attendants that explains basic airplane protocol, acceptable behavior and what to do in the event of an emergency.  One of the topics covered in the presentation is what to do if there is a change in cabin pressure – an oxygen mask will drop from the overhead panel.   It is always encouraged to make sure to secure your own mask before trying to help anyone else with there’s.  This same practice is applicable in life.

As a human being it is nearly impossible to help others when your own life is in disorder.  If this is the case, it is imperative to take the necessary time to get yourself healthy and well.  This is not a selfish act; in fact, it’s the best thing that you can do for yourself.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with allowing yourself to become stable once again.  A problem in our society these days is that we spread ourselves too thin and don’t allow for the necessary time to completely recover.  It is important to love and care for yourself and to remember that regardless of everything else, you have to put yourself first.   

When I read this story I was reminded of making the choice to put myself first when I started this journey I have embarked on. It was a difficult decision to make. To me choosing to put yourself first is something that selfish self centered people do, and that was not the person I wanted to be. But the fact of the matter the truth behind always putting someone else first had nothing to do with whether or not I was selfish and had everything to do with whether or not I felt worthy of my own self care. 

I had to actually make putting myself first a goal and a gift that I would give myself. I had to finally realize that denying my own needs and desires was a big part of what got me to where I was in the first place. 

It was not an easy choice to make but it was one of the best choices and one of the healthiest choices I have ever made in my life. 

I remember the day I got married, I sat in my mother's bedroom crying. I did not want to get married. I did not feel it really was the right thing for me to do at that time. I was not in love with the man who was going to become my husband. I did love him and we had been together for a couple of years, we had a daughter together, and had been living together almost as long as we had known each other but I really did not want to get married. I felt pushed into it. My mother thought because we had a daughter together that we needed to get married. The wedding was planned in a very short time. Everything was rush rush... and there I sat on my wedding day dreading it. I looked to my best friend and I told her that I didn't want to do this, but she was in no better place then I was at that time, she just looked at me and told me she didn't know what to tell me. 

All I could think about was how angry everyone would be, My father had come down from Tampa to give me away, my mother has spent all that money, I had family coming from all over, and I really didn't want to hurt anyone. And everyone else was more important then what I was feeling. I wanted someone to tell me that I didn't have to do what I didn't want to do. 

Five years and three more children later we were getting a divorce. The truth is we were better divorced then we ever were married.  I loved him and he loved me as much as we could possibly love anyone, but always in the back of my mind was the fact that I did not want to get married, and I was not secure within myself to say so at any point along the way. What everyone else wanted was more important then what I wanted, more important then what I felt was right for me. I don't know how my ex-husband felt at that time, but I would not be surprised to find out that he felt pretty much the same way. He too had issues with telling others no. 

This had effected every aspect of my life. I don't believe in living with regret but if I have any regrets it is never having been able to stand up for myself as a person, a woman, a mother, a daughter and a wife. 

The thing is, as long as we have breath it is never to late to learn, to grow.

As I embarked on my journey to a better life,  I had to do just that. I had to take care of myself first. 

It was in doing that, I realized I had so much more to give others when I took care of myself. When I did what I needed to do for myself. I was a better mother, a better daughter, a better woman, a better person. I was happier and becoming healthier. I had more energy and wanted to do more for others. It was my choice. It was what was right for me. 

I am still learning be true to me. I still have issues with saying no. I still have issues with wanting to please everyone. But I am learning, I am growing and I am getting better. I am making choices I can live with, choices I can be happy with, I am setting boundaries making sure they are respected. It is not always easy... but each time I do, I feel better about myself, I feel stronger and happier and healthier.
And I have so much more to give.

Chasing my passion

Since I have had my surgery and have lost about 200 pounds I have been kind of floating. Feeling kinda lost. For a year I worked toward the goal of having the surgery and starting to get healthy, and then basically enjoying my success. And it was wonderful. I am proud of having basically accomplished what I set out to do for the most part. Yes I still have more weight to lose, but I am off all medications, my quality of life has improved 1000 fold. I can not begin to tell you how much I am loving my life, but at the same time I started to feel a little lost. It took me a little time, but I realized that I was feeling directionless in my life now.For the first time I was unhappy in my job. The job hadn't changed, I had. I am 50 years old and I just figured that I am at the age now where I really need to love what I am doing.  

So I needed to figure out where I wanted to go in my life now? What did I want to focus on? 

So I asked myself some questions.( Am I the only one who does that?)

What is my highest vision? 

What brings joy in my life?

What do I feel passionately about?

What is most important to me?

What makes me happy?

What would I do for free? 

There was really one answer to all of those questions. Helping others brings joy to my life, Helping others is something I feel passionate about, Helping others is most important to me, Helping others makes me happy, and it is something I already do for free. 

Sharing my story, sharing my knowledge, supporting and encouraging others to be their best self... these are the the things that bring me so very much joy. When I was in therapy before my surgery, my therapist asked me when I was going to open my own office... becoming a therapist means going back to school and though I love learning, I really wanted to find something I can start doing right now. 

So what about my life would allow me to help others who have been through the same things I have been through? I have been obese my whole life. I was an obese child and childhood obesity is important to me. Understanding how I was lied to (how we have all been lied to) by the diet and weight loss industry, and how that misinformation and bias has affected my life and contributed to my obesity fills me with passion. The passion to fight against that misinformation and the passion to help others who have been duped as well. Having dealt with abuse and understanding how that abuse contributed to my obesity, understanding addiction and how that has played a large part in my weight and health. Having gone through the weight loss surgery process, I want to help others going through the weight loss surgery process. I want to help others be successful at changing and improving their lives and becoming happy and healthy and fit, physically, mentally and emotionally. 

At first I thought I wanted to work with my Surgeon Dr. Sheih, but then a friend of mine suggested something that got me to thinking... what about starting my own non profit organization focusing on the things that I was passionate about?  Working with Dr. Sheih as opposed to working for him. But also working with other non profits like OAC: Obesity Action Coalition and WLSFA: Weight Loss Surgery Foundation of America? It really made me think... and so OASIS was born. Obesity Awareness, Support, and Information of SW Florida. 

It is Mission of OASIS ( Obesity Awareness, Support, and Information of SWFla) to empower individuals to achieve success through informtation, eduction and support. OASIS believes to help others become truly healthy and happy one must take care of the total person, mind, body and spirit. We achieve this through being an oasis, a positive refuge where one can receive support and encouragement, while providing education and information and increasing awareness within the community regarding weight loss and weight loss surgery

and suddenly I found my passion again. Suddenly I had direction in my life again, Suddenly I want to wake up everyday and start working, I am excited about something again. I don't know how it is all going to work, but I do know that somehow someway it is going to work. Already I have some amazing fund raising ideas, I have a list of things that I need to do and one by one I am checking the items off the list. I know that it is not going to happen over night. I know that it will be a lot of work, and none of that matters... I am doing what I have always wanted to do, I am chasing my passion. 

Stop the cycle? Stop the ridiculous commercial

Stop the cycle? Stop the ridiculous commercial

Today is Valentine’s Day.

What does Valentine’s Day mean to you?
Is it a day you celebrate your love and relationship? Or is a day to be dreaded because you have no one to share it with?
I was not looking forward to Valentine’s Day this year. It never really bothered me in the past that I was alone on Valentine’s Day, but for some reason this year it did leading up to it. I don’t care about the candy or the flowers, (though jewelry would be nice:-).
For some time now since my weight loss surgery I have been missing that special someone to share my life with.

Before my surgery, before I started to get healthy, I didn’t want to live my life much less share it with anyone. Valentine’s Day was just another day to me then, no big deal. Now I am happier and love my life, I want to share it with someone who can appreciate the joy I feel just for living right now.
So, this week coming up to today, it has been a little depressing. I could only focus on what I did not have in my life. Then this morning I woke up bursting with love and joy, and yes I would still love to have that special person in my life, but I still have me. I woke up loving me. I woke up in love with everyone in my life, grateful for all those who have supported me on this journey I have embarked on. Love for my children who no longer have to live in fear that they are going to lose their mother way to soon, Love for my mother, and my sister, love for my friends who were always there to support and encourage me. My heart over flows with love for the people who have come and gone from my life, who have touched my heart and because they did helped to create in me the person I am today. I woke up in love with all those who have crossed my path in any way, face to face and on line...
I am beyond blessed to have so many people in my life who love me and who I love on this day that we choose to celebrate love.
Do I want romantic love in my life? Of course I do. But I am not going to sit here feeling sorry for myself when there are so many in my life who I already love and who love me. Do I get the candle light dinner this year? No, but then there is always next year. As one of my daughters informed me a couple of weeks ago, “Mom, it is impossible to not love weeks ago, “Mom, it is impossible to not love you!”

So here is my Valentine’s Day wish for all of you. May you know the love all who are in your life, and may you to be “impossible to not love

Surviving the Paleodiet by using BCAA | Metabolic Effect Blog

Surviving the Paleodiet by using BCAA | Metabolic Effect Blog

This is an interesting article that bears reading

"We cannot create self-love and a loving body image by “hating ourselves into it” – with a forced diet, lifeless exercise and hurtful thoughts."

This was a status shared on Facebook by Marc David, and I could not agree more.
I spent years hating my body, and thus myself, feeling like a failure in everything in my life by extension. I would loose weight through deprivation and then when I could no longer deprive myself, or when something would trigger those self hatred feelings, I would then regain all the weight I lost and more, eventually ending up weighing more then 400 pounds and hating myself and my life and dying a very slow death. I was miserable and everyone around me was miserable around me.
It wasn't until I decided that I was not going to live my life that way any longer that I was able to finally get a handle on my life. It wasn't until I decided that "I" was worth the effort that it would take to take care of myself.

Because I never thought I was worth the effort to take care of myself I spent all my time taking care of those around me, always putting myself, my needs on the back burner. Now caring about others is a wonderful thing, but you have to care for yourself too... At some point the well becomes dry if it never gets refilled. Not only would I not take care of myself, I would not allow anyone else the opportunity to support or encourage me, and when someone would try, I would either argue with them or pretend to agree. I wouldn't tell anyone what I was going through when I was going through it.

When I was looking at turning 49 and knew that 50 was just a year away, I took a good long look at my life and myself. I had spent the last few years dealing with all the emotional issues that life tends to dump on some of us, and I got angry. Not at all the things that had happened in my life, or with the people who had hurt me, not even with my "failures", I got angry with my self defeating attitude. It was time I started to give to myself the same understanding and support I always gave those around me.

I have always been the one others turn to for support and encouragement. I was the one who could understand everyone else and help them to work though the things they were going through, telling them that what they were feeling was understandable and that they had a right to what they were feeling but to not camp there...I could always find the silver lining in every grey cloud for everyone else. It was time to do the same things that I have always done for others, for myself. It was time to love myself, just as I am. It was time to accept myself just as I am. It was time to understand myself, just as I am. It was time to see myself the way others have told me they see me. I needed to focus on the things that were good about myself. And it was time to make peace with those things I did not like about myself.

It is amazing what self acceptance and self love will do for you. I found myself happier. I found myself able to be even more giving and understanding and encouraging to those around me. I am still working on allowing others to support and encourage me...(no one says that it all happens overnight). But more then that I found that I started making better choices and taking care of myself better. Because I started excepting myself rather then judging myself, I started making better healthier choices. Saying no to the cake no longer felt like deprivation.Going for a walk was something I chose to do instead of something I had to make myself do. The more I took care of myself the more I wanted to take care of myself.
I made the decision to have weight loss surgery, and I gave myself a year of focusing on myself. I can't say that it was easy, and in the beginning I had to post reminders to take care of myself. It's not easy undoing a life time of habits... But I am worth the effort.